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[back to writings]	A Collection of Poems _© by Leona England Karni, M.A.	here
	Poetry expresses many kinds of emotions. Sometimes it tells stories, laments woes, rejoices in life, exalts God. It can even question God and His ways. David in the Psalms poured out His heart to God and man in joy, in sorrow, with insecurity, in exaltation, in pain, and joyous spiritual rapture. Leona's poems express honest thoughts and emotions and questions that many of us have experienced. If you have not experienced these things, perhaps you know someone who has and will have a better understanding of what they are going through and can offer your support, and love--or praise God with them.
	The Wall Socially Handicapped Development of Self ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
	The Wall Deceit awakened doubt In an immature self Disillusioned I was skeptical Of the world about Angered By hurt pride Distraught Over lost love Confused By misunderstanding Disgusted Because man lied. Gravely I took my stance Vowing Never to give These faulty humans Another chance. Time passed I trusted again But a hint of Skeptism Stood between Me and my friend Joys I wanted to share Love I longed to give Were locked inside I could not allow Myself to care. My friend, no longer able To cope With my suspicions Rejected My shallow self Indicating I was unstable. Me—unstable? I have so much to offer Depth Warmth Myself! Man is not deserving! So, I walk alone My shallow depth My cold warmth And My lonely self. [top] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
	Socially Handicapped In this, my Father’s house Filled with family I sit alone And Lonely Each Lord’s Day I hear from the shepherd pastor Of Christian love And I am a battered lamb Alone O you Disciples of Christ In whom dwells no fear Why do you avoid My loneliness Is there a secret in twos? Do Christians come only in pairs? Not so, for I notice Men, in single line But not alone Why are single men Invited for dinners Included in groups Reached out to In acceptance? Perhaps it is me Maybe that nice couple I invited for dinner A month or so ago Did not enjoy what I served OR Did the leprous Sores of failure…divorce Rob their appetite? Convinced, I am Logic exists For acceptance of him And rejection of me Do you think The women fear I want their husbands? And the men Do they fear I want them? Yet, confused Still I am From this book they read In my Father’s house Each Lord ’s Day Jesus came to heal IF He were here In this family gathering Would He dare To touch me This lonely battered lamb? [top] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
	Development of Self When I was nine I needed to believe I was different Not exactly the same As all my friends So, I created Invisible friends Known only by me With picture words I introduced my “special friends” To my ordinary playmates I wove fantasies into stories That thrilled my Faithful Followers They knew It was not true But they allowed Me to pretend When I was fifteen I so desperately needed To be the same I needed my parents Indeed my family To be like all others Normal They were not So I created A TV family It did not work At home My parents and brothers Did not like The series But my Faithful Followers Pretended with me That I was the same And my home life Was the norm When I was eighteen I needed to be A good mother I was not But I tried I played all the roles I had seen acted out on TV It was not me My daughter did not know That I was not great My friends did But they turned a blind eye My parents and brothers Announced I was a failure As if that were Some new revelation! I knew that! I always had But I pretended My Faithful Followers agreed I was a “good mommy” When I was twenty I needed to be A perfect wife My husband wrote the script I liked the part But, I knew It was not me I learned to act At times, I was very good My Faithful Followers Were most impressed I had done my best But My Director husband Was not pleased He demanded That I totally lose self In the character he created I failed We divorced My Faithful Followers Cheered my liberation When I was thirty I tried again This time I studied my lines But somehow I missed the surprise Ending I failed It hurt I ran away I needed to be alone Apart from my roles Alone In my personal journey In search of truth and meaning As I explored The thoughts of Freud The secrets of spiritualism The images of psychedelics The mediations of Buddha My Faithful Followers Gave me a standing ovation Did they not see the despair while they were applauding? When I was alone I needed God He found me Bruised and hurting Taking me by the hand He led me Through the pages of The Rock of ages Giving revelation of Truth and meaning The new script was powerful I had the perfect part I learned my lines I played it well This drama permeated My every waking moment I was at my best My family and friends Could not relate After the first showing They cancelled their season tickets When I was forty I forgot my lines My acting became weak There was no power in my presentation The gallery of Faith Followers Now existed in my conscience And they jeered Hypocrite! I was at my worst How was it possible? I put so much into this role It became me I was it We were one What lies beyond the floodlights of Hypocrisy? When I was a hypocrite I needed God He found me Bruised and hurting Taking me by the hand He led me Through the pages of the Rock of ages Giving revelation of His unconditional love Rock of ages cleft to me Let me hide myself in thee [top] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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